Detach with Love
It’s been said that if an addict is happy with you then are probably enabling them. Conversely, If an addict is pissed-off at you then you are probably helping them. In active addiction we harm the people we love the most and lean on them for everything and anything just to keep our lives manageable. This is where the problem lies. Since we love our children, sisters, brothers or parents we naturally want to help and accept empty promises that they wish to stop their addiction. We all know how this ends. It is their “bottom” that will be the solid foundation on which their lives can be rebuilt.
While we generally don’t like to deprive people of their bottom (especially when it’s near), there is an easier, softer way that can set the course right sooner rather than later – DETACH WITH LOVE! Simply put, provide them with the love they need and not the love they are asking for at every given moment. Saying no to money requests or matters of convenience will make life uncomfortable for the addict; prodding them to get help or face additional consequences. This is usually the part where the addict starts to wonder if their “way” is really working. The truth is their way is “not working” and the sooner we can get them to realize this then they can accept suggestions and begin recovery. Detaching with love is the solution. It will feel painful at first but once practiced with tangible results it will prove to be the best love of all for the suffering addict.