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The irony of having a loved one in addiction, is that their addiction can become yours. Their high’s become your highs, and their lows become your lows. During the calm before the inevitable storm, you enter in to the never-ended game of self-rationalization. You remind yourself of the bright spots in the storm of addiction: “They said they are back to focusing on their studies.” “They haven’t haven’t called me with any crises in a month. And they are talking about how excited they are to be going back to school.”
By virtue of necessity, the addict gets really good at doing one thing, manipulating. When someone descends into the throes of addiction, the social etiquette and decorum that we expect from family members and friends disappears. The unspoken laws that we all live by disappear.
We go through life expecting that most people aren’t liars, and if they are, they are guilty of an occasional white lie. We don’t expect deception. We don’t expect theft.
However, when you are living with an addict, all of these rules get thrown out the window. And why wouldn’t they? The path to the addict’s next hit is sitting right there in your purse. All they need to do is reach in and pull out the cash. The path to their next hit is on the shelves of Target. Why wouldn’t they “boost” a cheap consumer good out the front door when it means that that they can sell it and dose immediately afterwards? Why wouldn’t they drive through town pulling copper wiring from buildings that they can later resell? Why wouldn’t they steal your catalytic converter? For those hard up enough for cash, the truth is that they’d be crazy NOT to do these things. But you don’t expect it, because you are a law-abiding member society who plays by a set of rules that they don’t.
The addict lives in a state of insanity, but the key is to not let their insanity become yours. This is the tough love approach that has saved many lives in the long-run. As always, provide the love that they need today, not the love they are asking (manipulating, conniving, rationalizing etc) today.